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Sermon
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| ENJOYING WHO YOU ARE That's by no means the only time a change of name has been considered for this reason. When it happens, it's not done on the spur of the moment or in a fit of pique. It comes out of this desire to be oneself. The distinguished psychiatrist, the late Dr Ainslie Meares, said "To be fully human, we need a clear sense of our own personal identity and of our own unique individuality." I Corinthians 12:4 picks this up. "There are varieties of gifts . . . varieties of services . . . varieties of activities.” There is a formula here which, if applied to the whole of life, can yield amazing personal freedom; in fact, four freedoms. I
First is freedom from inferiority. For all sorts of reasons, most people have inferiority feelings of some sort. Some psychologists attribute this to our upbringing, suggesting it could be due to faulty parenting. Since there have never been any faultless parents since Adam and Eve, that may have something to do with it. On the other hand, it can still come about even when parents have the best will in the world. Sometimes inferiority seems related to comparing ourselves unfavourably with others. A story, which I shall disguise just a little. Some years ago I was acquainted with a political historian well known among listeners to ABC National Radio for his penetrating and provocative comments on current affairs. He made great listening. His name was almost a household word. He doesn't broadcast today, and there's no chance of his being identified. One day when we were in the control room, waiting our turns to be called into a studio, he shared this great sadness over a son who had long been without aim or dream, incentive or enthusiasm of any kind. He was jobless; just pottering, so to speak. I guess we would say a 'drop-out'. He'd had some counselling, but this hadn't achieved much; only revealed that he felt he could never emulate his father, and that he was plagued with feelings of inferiority. If only he could have grasped – or been 'grasped by' – that formula! "There are varieties of gifts, services, activities." What he needed to hear was, "You're a special person. Your worth in the total scheme of things is not to be found in emulating your father; it comes from accepting your own uniqueness and offering that to the world." II
Second, freedom from rivalry. 'Rivalry' comes from the Latin 'rivales': those who lived on the banks of the stream. The way we use 'rivalry' today comes out of the idea that those living by the stream could be competitors for the fish and other advantages it held. Rivalry is first cousin to envy – which drives people to lie and cheat and kill. Hence the commandment, "Thou shalt not covet." If you've read the chapter "Does God have a sense of humour?" in my book on preaching, you'll recall the tale of two brothers who were rivals from infancy. Very close in age (only about eleven months apart), they grew up doing almost everything pretty much in parallel. They were similar in size, and fights were fairly evenly balanced. Likewise with sporting ability. But both always trying to gain the ascendency, by whatever means they could. As teenagers they took off in different directions. One joined the military via officer training college. He was a captain at 24 and a general in his mid thirties. The other took holy orders. He was a priest at 24 and a bishop in his mid thirties. They had not seen one another for several years until an unexpected meeting at the train terminal. The old rivalry was still alive. Each saw a great opportunity. The bishop, now a rather portly figure resplendent in purple cassock and huge pectoral cross, and flanked by several lesser clergy, spotted his brother coming from the opposite direction. He too looked magnificent: superbly cut uniform with rows of medal ribbons, cap with 'scrambled egg' (as it is sometimes called) around the peak and some lesser officers walking slightly behind him. In his cathedral voice the first brother said, "Take my bags, please, porter!" Equal to the occasion, the other called up his parade ground voice. "Certainly, madam, but should you be travelling in your condition?" Touché! The first recorded case of homicide in the bible seems to have been related to rivalry of some sort. Cain got the idea that his brother's offering to God was more acceptable than his own. Maybe it was, but Cain's fury knew no bounds. III
Third, freedom from pretence: from having to build great buttresses of deceit around ourselves, making out we're something we're not. Several years ago in Melbourne, a twenty-five year old bank officer was sentenced to two and a half years for misappropriating nearly a million dollars. I was familiar with the case, and knew why he did it. For once, it wasn't gambling. It was to impress his friends, by being a big spender, with what a success he was. One of the saddest examples I've ever come across was a man in Adelaide, who kept up before friends and family a most elaborate charade. Initially he led them to believe he was a medical student. A fortune was spent on text books, and every night he pored over these at the kitchen table. After a number of years he changed his name by deed poll, so that 'Doctor' could become one of his first names. In fact, he was a taxi driver! How friends and family were deceived by this, I have never been able to figure out. The whole sad story emerged when he ended up in court on assorted charges – none of which could be sustained. There was no evidence that he had tried to treat anyone medically, or tricked people out of money by this pretence. The magistrate was an understanding chap, and the sentiment of his summing up was only pity: pity for a man who felt it necessary to engage in such massive and ludicrous pretence. I'm not convinced that pretence in cases like that should be regarded as a moral transgression. It's much more a form of bondage. And it can be liberating for people driven to pretend to hear the word "It's OK! There are varieties of gifts, services and activities. Be free!" IV
Fourth is freedom from exasperation with others. The corollary of affirming our own uniqueness is, of course, seeing and affirming the other's gifts – having the same appreciation of the other's uniqueness that you have of yourself. Let me try to illustrate this from the context of marriage. I am often asked why the divorce rate has been rising. Is it because people don't value marriage as they did? I suspect part of the explanation lies in expectations. Not that people have lower expectations – but higher ones. If expectations of each other and of the relationship are too high, then people can be setting themselves up for trouble. I have married people who seemed to have each other on pedestals; each is under the illusion that the other will live up to some very unrealistic expectations. I have wondered how each is going to deal with it when the other topples off the pedestal! I think of a married couple who came to see me some years ago, in another state. They had reached a point where the only communication was in the form of wild shouting matches. In fact, the marriage had been stable for close on twenty years, and their offspring were a credit to them. So, what had happened? The detonator seemed to be her wish to lay down the mantle of full-time housekeeper and enter one of the 'helping' professions – putting to work a great deal of ability that was being frustrated if she stayed home. This meant that he would have to rearrange his life somewhat. I saw them individually and together, and was convinced the basic problem was one of reviewing their expectations of each other. But both had become so angry that they could only heap criticism on criticism. Each had a list of grievances that seemed endless, consisting of all those things the other was failing to deliver. I tried an approach that works now and then, asking each if they could say anything to the other's credit. There was a long silence, and I concluded that I'd blown it! Then she began to concede some good things about him, and he responded in like manner. It was a turning point, and we then started to talk about reasonable and unreasonable expectations. What had looked at first like a looming disaster was averted when it became possible to talk about what each might reasonably expect of the other. Now, to wrap this up . . . One of the issues Paul faced in the early Jesus movement was the diversity of those being drawn into it. They were a very motley lot – nowhere more so than in Corinth. Corinth was a seaport, a garrison town, and a strategic road junction. It was an extraordinarily cosmopolitan place, a byword for all kinds of excesses and in no way conducive to stable, well regulated life. During an eighteen month ministry there, Paul gathered a church of former thieves, male prostitutes, drunks, idol worshippers and con men. How do you get people like that to function together? It wasn't easy. But in a moment of inspiration he saw a metaphor that said it all. It was his metaphor of the human body – in which every part has its place and its function in contributing to the good of the whole. Some bits are prettier than others. Some are more conspicuous than others. The secret lies in each part recognising its own uniqueness and offering that for the good of the whole. "There are varieties of gifts, services and activities.” Enjoy being you! ___________________________________________________
An address presented by the Rev Dr John Bodycomb at St Aidan's
Uniting Church North Balwyn, on 14th January, 2007 IT MAY BE REPRODUCED WITH ACKNOWLEDGMENT. |
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Page updated 19/01/07